I have not been to church on Wednesday night in a very long time. Last night, however, I went to Highland for a special all-church gathering they had planned. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but expected all of us to be in the auditorium together. So I was surprised when I walked in, picked up a little handout and discovered they had set up several rooms centered around different themes. One room had models of ancient tombs, one provided a time of confession, one encouraged families to pray together as Jesus had in the Garden of Gethsemane, etc.

The interesting thing about it all was that I went by myself. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal, but they had intentionally structured the evening so that it was no just an individual experience, but promoted community, particularly within families. My gut reaction was loneliness...but thankfully God did not allow me to stay there. I was bless with an evening full of watching parents lovingly and carefully tell the story of Jesus to their children. I watched as a little boy was shocked at how big the nails were that were driven into Jesus' hands and feet and saw how his parents helped him deal with the weight of it all. I watched parents draw a prayer with their two year old daugheter who at one point exclaimed, "Thank you, Jesus!" in the cutest little voice.

It is so easy to take our knowledge of this wondrous and weighty story for granted. We forget the horror of the crucifixion, because we already know how the story ends. We forget the joy of the resurrection, because it is expected.

Walking around alone wasn't too bad since I could get away with sitting or standing by myself in most of the rooms. However, I was really nervous when I came to the "Upper Room" where they had tables set up with elements from a traditional Passover meal. I was about to sit down at a table by myself when I noticed three women sitting at a table nearby and decided to join them instead. They were about to leave when I sat down and decided to stay until I was done so I wouldn't have to sit alone. Elaine, Ruby, and Amanda passed me all the food, told me how I was supposed to eat it, and explained to me the significance of each thing. Before we got up to leave, Elaine pointed out that we were supposed to say the Lord's Prayer together and she immediately reached out her hands to Ruby and Amanda. As the four of us joined hands and recited this ancient prayer together my eyes began to tear up. The power of the prayer was just as strong today as it was when it was first spoken. The prayer united four strangers together around a table. The prayer united us with all the other people in the building, most of whom I didn't even know. The prayer united all of us with disciples from years and years before us.

It was a blessed evening.
It was an evening where resurrection power was not merely talked about; it was anticipated, it was experienced.
I experienced the death of my own loneliness and the resurrection of a unity among believers.
I experienced the death of my own callousness to the story of Jesus and the resurrection of a soft heart.
I experienced the death of my own pain and the resurrection of the joy that is found only in Christ.

I hope to continue to identify the ways the death and resurrection of Christ take place within me until it is only Christ who lives in me.

"I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me." Philippians 3:10-12
I wrote this post almost two weeks ago and just haven't posted it until today. At long last, here it is...

I was sitting in Starbuck’s today working on a paper. I couldn’t help but overhear a conversation taking place at the next table.
It was an older man and woman – both of whom were single – who were discussing church. Neither of them seem incredibly happy about their current situation and mentioned that they didn’t even really know what they were looking for. The lady was describing her experience at a local church that specifically reaches out to the homeless and underprivileged. She expressed that she was disgusted by the fact that most people came just so they could get a free meal and in her 5 years there she never saw anyone change for the better. Less than 5 minutes later she was telling of her frustration with some programs at the church I suppose she is currently going to. She was frustrated that the men have a “Men’s Pancake Breakfast” and the women had “Afterglow.” She went on to say that the Men hear “pancakes” and get really excited and all want to go. For “Afterglow” the church should advertise that there is a meal involved – it would get peoples’ attention!
It blows my mind that she could criticize people (who are homeless and likely begging for food) for going to a church service just to get a free meal, and at the same time she could support the idea of women (who all probably have full refrigerators and freezers in their home) getting together and sharing a free meal.

I could not help but notice the incredible irony of what she was saying and the double standard she held so strongly. I am sure this lady is well-meaning. She seems innocent enough and I don’t think she was malicious in what she was saying. I don’t want to judge her, rather I want to use my observations about her as a way to challenge myself. In what ways do I criticize other people for something and then act as if it is perfectly acceptable if one of my friends or I do that very thing. It is incredibly difficult to recognize double standards within ourselves without someone else pointing them out or having an experience like this which makes me think long and hard about myself.

So, in the spirit of discovering and repenting of my double standards, I will go ahead and talk about another aspect of the conversation. At one point they were talking about what exactly they were looking for in a church. And I thought to myself that it sounded as if they were shopping for their ideal church. She wanted a praise team she enjoyed, people who were similar to her, programs that were available and attractive to both men and women… And in my mind I just sort of sadly laughed and thought “This is not at all what church is about. It is not about finding people who believe the same things as you…it is not about having your personal preferences met. It is about being with people who are different and choosing to love them and be unified with them because you are brothers and sisters in Christ.”

And now I think about where I go to church and why. I go to Highland church of Christ. As a church they decided that women should have more leadership roles in church than they have in the past. I have friends who go there and normally sit around people who are white and in the mid to upper socio-economic level. I usually sit with my friends and sometimes avoid people I might not want to talk to.

I do not think this means I need to leave Highland and go somewhere else…there are many wonderful reasons to go to Highland. But it does give me something to really think about…