I really enjoy Facebook. I know that might sound funny, but it is true. Many times I use Facebook as a reason to put off starting homework for just a few more minutes, but I always really enjoy seeing what is going on in other peoples’ lives. Sometimes it is just something silly and relatively insignificant like “Sarah has become a fan of House” or “Chris threw a sheep at Donny.” Other times it is more significant, such as “Katherine is going to China this summer to do mission work!” or “Aaron is going to be a dad!” Then there are times when I am caught off guard by “Amanda’s grandparents were just in a wreck and my grandmother is about to go into emergency surgery” or “Drew’s nephew probably has down syndrome. great. what next?”

This is part of what is great about Facebook. Facebook is an outlet where most people can be open about their likes and dislikes, beliefs, victories, struggles, and every day events. Our generation seems to really value honesty and openness which is evident by the notes people write explaining their frustration with a friend or with a presidential candidate or their struggles with believing in a God who is good when their child has just died from cancer. And I really enjoy Facebook because when I read peoples’ statuses or notes or wall posts I feel like I am involved in their lives. When I read Joel’s notes about his wife’s battle with cancer, I feel anger at the situation and elation when she is declared to be in remission. I get worried with Amanda about her grandparents and say a quick prayer that they will be okay. I question political stances along with my critical-thinking friends. I even know the every-day things like whether they like coffee or if we like the same music or TV shows.

There are so many ways I can feel connected to my Facebook friends - to people, some of whom I haven’t even seen or talked to in months or years. And this is where there is a problem. While most of my Facebook “friends” are truly friends, not strangers, I feel close to them and involved in their lives, but I am really not at all. Friendship is about much more than knowing information about a person or the activities of their life. Friendship is about being together. Friendship is about actually going through the difficult and joyous times together, not just reading about them. Friendship involves discussion about questions or struggles where both people are interacting with one another. Friendship does not consist of knowing for a fact that Naomi likes coffee and board games, it consists of drinking coffee and playing board games with Naomi.

While I may excel at keeping up with people on Facebook, I have failed miserably at being a true friend. However, there have been two people who really demonstrate how Facebook can be used as a way to enhance true friendship rather than replace it. Mark Hawk (the youth minister at the church in my hometown) and my dad, Bob Clark (who is the preacher at the same church), have made the most of Facebook. This weekend Mark went to a play that was put on at a high school in town. In the last two days I have seen at least five different encouraging messages he has written on the walls of some of the kids who were in the cast. My dad will often write about a great play in the USC football game on a fellow fan’s wall or he will check up on someone whom he knows has been dealing with a lot of stress. Although they both use Facebook frequently, they do not let it replace their friendships with people.

The life that Christ has called us to requires us to be in relationship with people, to live together in fellowship with one another. This means that, while I can learn about my friends on Facebook, I cannot let it replace an actual friendship. It means I have to put my laptop down, pick up the phone and make plans to hang out with a friend or have a conversation with someone who is in the middle of a crisis. I think Facebook has become such a huge phenomenon in part because it is a whole lot easier to be friends with a picture on the computer screen than it is to be with a real, live person who has a different personality, different beliefs and different interests from you. Relationships, while they can bring many blessings and enjoyable experiences, are often tough and require hard work!

In thinking about this, I realize that this way of thinking and approaching friendship goes beyond the world of Facebook for me. This is often my approach to my relationship with God. Read the Bible, read scholarly books and commentaries, write lots of papers, get a Bachelor’s and Master’s degree, think critically, discuss with professors and other students in classes, get lots of information and form opinions and beliefs…but I often find myself without time or interest in a true relationship that involves communication, transformation, and just being with God. As a result, I end up with a bunch of head knowledge, but where does that get me?

I hope and pray that I will not settle for a false sense of relationship, and instead learn to invest my heart as well as my mind in my relationships with God and others.